Nokia has launched its most affordable 3G handset in the country earlier today with the launch of the Nokia 2730 Classic.

The phone, priced at just Rs. 4499, comes loaded with a host of features rarely seen on a device in is price range. The 2730 Classic packs in Ovi Mail, Nokia Messaging, Nokia Life Tools, and full HTML browsing as well. It also comes with Opera Mini preloaded.

• The 2730 Classic has a 2-inch QVGA display that can display 262k colours.
• At just 88grams, the phone is quite light-weight.
• As expected, it runs Nokia’s S40 interface.
• The 30 MB of internal memory can be augmented using a microSD card and the phone comes with a 1GB card – preloaded.
• It offers a maximum of 7.4 hours talk time and 16.5 days standby time.
• Music lovers on a budget can rejoice – thanks to the 3.5mm slot this one comes with.
• If that wasn’t all, there is Bluetooth and microUSB support as well.

There is a decent 2 megapixel camera at the rear that should be good enough for casual imaging. Along with 3G, it also supports class 32 EDGE – making it a good device for browsing while on the move. There’s FM Radio with RDS as well.

The 2730 Classic should make a decent buy for a feature packed, cheap first phone.

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Your Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use “sex toys,” such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child’s exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?

In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

Is Masturbation Normal?

While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life. Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is Masturbation Harmful?

In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person’s lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior. Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

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Female Ejaculations

Are there female ejaculations?

Female ejaculation is a release of fluid from the external genitalia associated with sexual activity. Some say this fluid must be released under pressure, while others say it must be associated with the woman’s orgasm. Whatever the definition used, female ejaculations are hard to find.

What Women Experience

There is very little research on this phenomenon. Not surprisingly, the more stringent the definition, the fewer the number of women who can be found to have experienced it. In one study, women were stimulated where the supposed G-spot is (on the vaginal wall closest to the stomach) and asked, immediately afterwards, if they experienced a spurt of fluid at orgasm. Only 6% said they did at the time. A total of 13% said they ever had. However, the existence of the G-spot itself is controversial, which consequently makes this view questionable, too.

If one loosens the definition to be a spurt of fluid at orgasm, without specifying stimulation of the alleged G-spot be involved, more women say “yes.” However, these numbers may be inflated as these studies also differed by surveying women, instead of testing them directly. In other words, the researchers asked the women to remember their experiences throughout life, rather than having them have sex and report back to the researchers right away. The results of the two studies known varied greatly. One study reported only “a handful” of women experienced ejaculations, while another study showed 39.5% experienced the same. The exact words used in questioning the women may account for the differences. Yet another survey found about 40% of women said ‘yes’ when a release (as opposed to a spurt) of fluid at orgasm was the criteria.

What is it and where does it come from?

There is also controversy regarding the anatomical structures and the type of fluid that is expelled. Some investigators believe that the fluid originates from structures called the Skene’s glands, which exits through the urethra (where urine comes out). Still others believe that the fluid comes from the bladder, and is, in fact urine. An alternate term is orgastic urination. Essentially, this is stress urinary incontinence due to orgasm.

On the other hand, some believe that the fluid is vaginal in origin. It is theorized when the vagina becomes narrowed from engorgement with blood during sexual excitement and then spasms due to orgasm, that this creates enough pressure to eject vaginal fluid.

What does it all mean?

Few women experience a phenomenon that closely resembles male ejaculation, although many report some kind of fluid release. What it is and where it comes from and why (or even if) women do it is still uncertain. If you think you experience it, you are not abnormal. And if you don’t, you are not abnormal, either!

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Built atop an extinct volcano plug, the Buddhist monastery of Taung Kalat is one of the most breathtaking sites in Burma and the world.

Many people call the hill on which the monastery was built, Mount Popa, but they’re mistaking it with the much higher volcano, close by. The hill is called Taung Kalat and though it looks like a mere bump when compared to Mount Popa, climbing it is quite a task. There are seven hundred seventy seven steps to from the bottom, all the way to the Buddhist monastery.

The locals believe Nats (37 demigod-like beings) live inside Taung Kalat hill and judging by the heavenly views from up there, they just might be right.

Climbing up Taung Kalat, you’re bound to run into some adorable Macaques, but be careful, they’re wild creatures and are likely to snatch anything you lay on the ground, before you even have the chance to blink.

Taung Kalat Monastery and its surroundings are truly unique, but unless the Burmese government intervenes soon, they will degrade beyond recovery.

The Incredible Taung Kalat Monastery

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I am sure everyone in India will be able to connect with these pics

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Tennis, is a very interesting sport where you can see a lot of sexy women players. I have no idea what deuce or a tie-breaker is, but I still would watch a match when even one of the following Top 10 sexiest women Tennis Players plays. All of them are sexy, smart and good in what they do – tennis!

Let’s check them out in more details. if You don’t agree with me on this list, and if I missed out any other sexy women tennis players, you let me know …

1. Martina Hingis

Martina Hingis is a former world number one Swiss tennis player. Known as the “Swiss Miss” and some regarded her as the Princess of WTA. She has won a lot of Grand Slam titles… don’t ask me which titles because I have no idea myself. Her effusive personality and cut physique have earned her the attention of a lot of fashion photographers.

Do you know how old was Martina Hingis when she won the junior French Open?

2. Daniela Hantuchova

She is a Slovak professional tennis player. As of March 19, 2007, Hantuchova ranks at No. 12 in singles.

Hantuchová has won two WTA singles tournaments in her career, the first in 2002 at the Tier I Pacific Life Open, defeating Martina Hingis, and in 2007 at the same tournament, defeating Svetlana Kuznetsova in the final, ending a 5-year title drought.

3. Maria Sharapova

Six feet tall, muscular and blonde, Sharapova turned pro in 2001 at the young age of 14. In 2004 Sharapova stunned the tennis world by defeating defending champion Serena Williams in the singles finals at Wimbledon to win the tournament at age 17. Occasionally she took modelling jobs, earning sweet comparisons to Anna Kournikova! Sharapova is known to produce high decibel on tennis court.

4. Elena Dementieva

Dementieva is a beautiful babe from Russia, played and won her first international tournament, Les Petit As, in France at the age of 13. In 1997, she turned professional and is currently ranked World number 8.

5. Maria Kirilenko

She is a Russian professional tennis player who won her first WTA Tour title in 2005, beating Anna-Lena Groenefeld in the China Open. She is a good friend of Maria Sharapova and is affectionately called Makiri.

6. Anastasia Myskina

Myskina is from Russia, and is one of the better baseline players in the game today, as shown in her French Open title in 2004. Despite this she prefers faster court surfaces, although having all the hallmarks of a genuine clay court champion.

7. Nicole Vaidisova

Vaidisova is an emerging star in women’s tennis who has been playing since she was six-years-old. She is said to consider her serve as her biggest weapon. Vaidisova is currently ranked number 9 in the WTA rankings.

8. Sania Mirza

Sania Mirza is an Indian tennis player. Coached by her father Imran Mirza, she began playing tennis at the age of six, and turned professional in 2003. She is now ranked 48th in singles.

9. Tatiana Golovin

Tatiana Golovin is a French professional tennis player. Her nickname on tour is Tati. She maybe one of the lesser know players but her win in the 2004 Roland Garros mixed doubles event with countryman Richard Gasquet was remarkable. She also reached the singles quarterfinal at the 2006 US Open, losing to eventual champion Maria Sharapova.

10. Ana Ivanovic

She is a Serbian professional tennis player who started tennis at the age of five after seeing the sport on TV. That turns out to be not a bad decision as she has more than US$1.3 million in her bank account now, thanks to tennis!

Now that you have seen the list. Don’t you just love watching tennis?

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Images Clicked At Perfect Time Matter The Most

Warfarin

Warfarin is an anticoagulant. It was initially marketed as a pesticide against rats and mice and is still popular for this purpose, although more potent poisons such as brodifacoum have since been developed. A few years after its introduction, warfarin was found to be effective and relatively safe for preventing thrombosis and embolism (abnormal formation and migration of blood clots) in many disorders. It was approved for use as a medication in the early 1950s and has remained popular ever since; warfarin is the most widely prescribed anticoagulant drug in North America. Despite its effectiveness, treatment with warfarin has several shortcomings. Many commonly used medications interact with warfarin, as do some foods, and its activity has to be monitored by frequent blood testing.

Cone Snail Venom

Cone snails are medium-sized to large, sophisticated predatory sea snails. These snails hunt and immobilize prey using a modified radular tooth along with a poison gland containing neurotoxins; this is launched out of its mouth in a harpoon-like action. Live cone snails should be handled with care or not handled at all, as they are capable of “stinging” humans with unpleasant results. The sting of small cones is no worse than a bee sting, but the sting of a few of the larger species of tropical cone snails can be serious or even fatal to human beings. The venom of some cone snails, such as the Magician cone, Conus magus, shows much promise for providing a non-addictive pain reliever 1000 times as powerful as, and possibly a replacement for, morphine. The first painkiller Ziconotide derived from cone snail toxins was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration in December 2004 under the name “Prialt”. Other drugs are in clinical and preclinical trials, such as compounds of the toxin that may be used in the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and epilepsy.

Wolfsbane

The roots of Aconitum ferox (Wolfsbane) supply the Nepalese poison called bikh, bish, or nabee. It contains large quantities of the alkaloid pseudaconitine, which is a deadly poison. Aconitum palmatum yields another of the bikh poisons. The root of Aconitum luridum, of the Himalaya, is said to be as virulent as that of A. ferox or A. napellus. In Western medicine preparations of aconite were used until just after the middle of the 20th century, but it is no longer employed as it has been replaced by safer and more effective drugs and treatments. Internal uses were also pursued, to slow the pulse, as a sedative in pericarditis and heart palpitations, and well diluted as a mild diaphoretic, or to reduce feverishness in treatment of colds, pneumonia, quinsy, laryngitis, croup, and asthma due to exposure. Taken internally, aconite acts very notably on the circulation, the respiration, and the nervous system. The pulse is slowed, the number of beats per minute being actually reduced, under considerable doses, to forty, or even thirty, per minute. Interestingly, the wolfsbane flower was used to identify supposed werewolves. If the flower cast a yellow shadow on the suspected shape-shifter’s chin, the werewolf test was positive.

Digitalis

Depending on the species, the digitalis plant may contain several deadly physiological and chemically related cardiac and steroidal glycosides. Thus, the digitalis has earned several more sinister monikers: Dead Man’s Bells, and Witches’ Gloves. The entire plant is toxic (including the roots and seeds), although the leaves of the upper stem are particularly potent, with just a nibble being enough to potentially cause death. Medicines from foxgloves are called “Digitalin”. It is used to increase cardiac contractility (it is a positive inotrope) and as an antiarrhythmic agent to control the heart rate, particularly in the irregular (and often fast) atrial fibrillation. It is therefore often prescribed for patients in atrial fibrillation, especially if they have been diagnosed with heart failure.

Copperhead Venom

The copperhead is an ambush predator: it takes up a promising position and waits for suitable prey to arrive. Like most North American viperids, these snakes prefer to avoid humans and, given the opportunity, will leave the area without biting. However, unlike other viperids they will often “freeze” instead of slithering away, and as a result many bites occur from people unknowingly stepping on or near them. Copperhead venom has an estimated lethal dose of around 100 mg, and tests on mice show its potency is among the lowest of all pit vipers, and slightly weaker than that of its close relative, the cottonmouth. Copperheads often employ a “warning bite” when stepped on or agitated and inject a relatively small amount of venom, if any at all. The venom of the Southern copperhead has been found to hold a protein called “Contortrostatin” that halts the growth of cancer cells and also stops the migration of the tumors to other sites. It will probably be ten or more years before contortrostatin is used in practical treatment but it has shown to be a novel anti-cancer drug in the lab.

Hemlock

Hemlock is one of the most widely known poisons. The most important and toxic alkaloid in hemlock is coniine, which has a chemical structure similar to nicotine. Coniine is a neurotoxin, which disrupts the workings of the central nervous system and is toxic to humans and all classes of livestock. Coniine causes death by blocking the neuromuscular junction in a manner similar to curare; this results in an ascending muscular paralysis with eventual paralysis of the respiratory muscles which results in death due to lack of oxygen to the heart and brain. Death can easily be prevented by artificial ventilation until the effects have worn off 48–72 hours later. Ingestion of Poison Hemlock in any quantity can result in respiratory collapse and death. For an adult the ingestion of more than 100 mg of coniine (approximately 6 to 8 fresh leaves, or a smaller dose of the seeds or root) may result in fatality. Despite its deadly reputation, poison hemlock has been used as a sedative and for its antispasmodic properties. It was also used by Greek and Persian physicians for a variety of problems, such as arthritis.

Deadly Nightshade

Atropine is a tropane alkaloid extracted from deadly nightshade, jimsonweed (Datura stramonium), mandrake and other plants of the family Solanaceae. Injections of atropine are used in the treatment of bradycardia (an extremely low heart rate), asystole and pulseless electrical activity (PEA) in cardiac arrest. Atropine’s actions on the parasympathetic nervous system inhibits salivary, sweat, and mucus glands. This can be useful in treating hyperhidrosis, and can prevent the death rattle of dying patients. Because of its extremely important use in medicine, this poison is a core medicine in the World Health Organization’s “Essential Drugs List”, which is a list of minimum medical needs for a basic health care system.

Yellow Scorpion Venom

The venom from another menacing arachnid is being used to help treat cancer. Researchers at the Transmolecular Corporation in Cambridge, Mass., have isolated a protein that occurs in the venom of the Israeli yellow scorpion. This protein has been shown to seek out and bind itself to the types of cancerous cells found in gliomas, a type of brain cancer that’s particularly difficult to treat. The researchers created a synthetic version of the protein and attached radioactive iodine solution to it. When introduced into the bloodstream, the protein seeks out glioma cells and binds to them, carrying the radioactive solution along for the ride. The solution then destroys the cells — and with enough treatments, the cancer.

Chilean Rose Tarantula Venom

Biophysicists from the University at Buffalo are using a protein from the venom of the Chilean Rose tarantula to combat death from heart attacks. The walls of your cells have tiny channels that open when the cell stretches. Among other body functions, these channels are responsible for the contraction of heart muscles. When these channels open too wide (which can happen from stretching the heart muscles over time), they allow a flood of positive ions into the cell. These extra ions disrupt the electrical signals in the heart, causing the organ to fibrillate (beat wildly and irregularly). The protein from the Chilean tarantula venom binds to these channels, which can block the positive ions from passing through. This could ostensibly prevent fibrillation — and hopefully death — if delivered during a heart attack.

Ergot

Man has a long history with ergot – a fungus which infects rye (which is then transferred to humans who eat the grain). Ergotism causes hallucinations and attendant irrational behavior, convulsions, and even death. Other symptoms include strong uterine contractions, nausea, seizures, and unconsciousness. Consumption can lead to amputation of limbs which are damaged by the fungus. Since the middle ages, controlled doses of ergot were used to induce abortions and to stop maternal bleeding after childbirth. Ergot alkaloids are used in products such as Cafergot (containing caffeine and ergotamine or ergoline) to treat migraine headaches. It is also used in a variety of treatments for Parkinson’s disease. Ergotism has even been blamed (though it is not likely the true cause) for the extremely bizarre dancing plague which struck Europe in the 1500s.

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I will show you 3 simple steps to get your spilt air conditioner clean and cool again.

These 3 steps are all you need to enjoy cool clean air from your split air conditioner all the time without paying the hefty prices or sitting around in the heat waiting for your service guy to come around to clean it.

Cleaning Mini Split Air Conditioners is not as daunting a task as most people perceive it to be.

90% of the Fan Coil Unit (FCU), the one where cold air comes out of, is waterproof. Only 10%, usually to the right of the unit contains all the electrical components and electric motor.This area is well protected from the rest of the blower since it is inherent that condensation will form along the inside of the coils throughout the entire length of the fan coil.

List of Items needed

• A safe and strong chemical Detergent (Note: Do not use industrial cleaners. They can damage your cooling fins or rotor blades or even corrode other parts of your fan coil unit. )

• A Wash Bag – A Gardening Compress Air Sprayer

• Maybe a philips screw driver if your air conditioner is extremely clogged with dirt

What you would need is a very good chemical cleaning solution that is custom designed to lift the sticky dirt and grime from the fan coil fin surfaces and the cylindrical fan blade.

The right chemical cleaner is so important for this method to work well since the chemical cleaner has to be strong enough to lift the sticky dirt from the cooling fins all the way into across the entire thickness of the coil which can be more than an inch thick across its cross-section.

Contrary to what most people believe, it is perfectly safe to wash the FCU directly on the wall. No dismantling should be necessary if you have the right equipment to do this.

All you need is 3 steps to clean your split air conditioner. Remove all the front cover and filters before you start. Wash the filters separately in the toilet or sink.

• Wear the Wash Bag around the air conditioner fan coil unit.
• Spray the chemical cleaner onto the coils and the fan rotor. Use a flash light if you have difficulty locating the fan blade. Just look into the passage where the air usually flows out. Make sure to get the spray all around the rotor blade.
• Wait a while for the chemical to soak in. Then rinse the fan coil and the rotor blade thoroughly with fresh water until clean using the pressure sprayer jet to loosen all the dirt. Remove the wash bag and dispose off the waste water in the toilet bowl.

Note: You may want to turn on the air conditioner before removing the bag to allow the excess water on the rotor blade to be spinned off into the bag. Wipe dry and replace the filters and cover. Done!

Since this is so easyFind Article, I now clean each air conditioner every 3 months and enjoy the fresh clean cool air without paying the hefty service prices or spending huge amount of time servicing them.

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Either you have bought a new ducted air conditioner or you are about to buy one. Do you know how to run your air conditioner to it’s full potential? Do you understand the maintenance required to keep your air conditioner running smoothly for many years.

The following article discusses some hints and tips on how to get the best out of your ducted reverse cycle air conditioner…..

The main maintenance you need to perform for a reverse cycle (refrigerative) ducted air conditioning system is to clean the filter located in the return air grille. The return air grille is the big grille that sucks the air back into your system and can usually be found in a hallway or wall.

To clean the filter you must first open the return air grille. Once you have opened this grille, you can either pull the filter out or clean it whilst still in the grille.

You can clean it by either a quick vacuum or by washing with warm soapy water.

You should clean the filter about once every 3 months. If the system starts to work less efficiently or the return air grille becomes noisy it is also a good sign that the filter needs a clean.
Cleaning the filter regularly will ultimately increase the performance and longevity of your air conditioning unit.

How you run your air conditioning system is also important. Try setting the temperature setting to an average level.

If you put the settings on maximum, it will not make the air conditioner cool/heat any quicker, it will just prevent the unit from cycling off which will cost you more money. When running your air conditioner you should also try to run as little zones as possible. If you run to many zones, it will be costly to run your air conditioner.

Also running fewer zones places less stress on the air conditioning unit which will ultimately increase it’s lifespan. keep the outdoor unit clean and free from obstructions.

Try to keep the area clean and free from any household items to aid in airflow. Wash down the outdoor unit every few months to slow down rust build up. If you adhere to these hints and tips you are sure to get many years of peace and comfort from your reverse cycle air conditioning system.

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Top 7 Tips To Increase The Longevity Of Your Split Air Conditioner

So you have bought a split air conditioner to beat the heat of this scorching summer? Now remember some tips to ensure that it performs superlatively throughout its life.

The global warming has wrecked havoc on the earth as the temperature is rising and touching a new high every year. The people across the globe are suffering from the ill effects of global warming. Coupled with the scorching heat, the humidity has made life tougher than ever before. To save themselves from this unusual climatic condition, many people have fallen back on air conditioners a lot.

Whether you buy a split AC (air conditioner) or a window AC, the most important thing is to know whether they will perform smartly under tough circumstances. Since, we tend to overuse the air conditioners during the summer, we need to be prepared for their maintenance just incase they fail to perform up to the desired level. Take a look at some of the maintenance tips for split ACs that should be applied to boost the efficiency of your split air conditioner.

The smooth functioning of a product depends on its proper maintenance. So, if you have a product, then you need to take god care of it. In case of an AC whether domestic or commercial, the following points should be noted for better performance and durability of the product. The various components of it include:

• Air conditioning filter is an important part of an AC. It should be changed every month or every two months regularly depending on its use. If not the air would be dirty and filled with pollutants. The dirty air conditioning filters also increases the air conditioning repair and maintenance cost.
• Another important part is the compressor. It compresses low pressure, low volume gas making them the high pressure, high temperature and the gas needed for the AC. It also removes vapor from the evaporator to maintain a low boiling point. Make sure to clean the compressor regularly to get cool and refreshing air. Oil specially designed for the ACs can be used for its longevity.
• When air passes through the system, the evaporator coil absorbs the heat to provide cold air through out the space. Replacing the old evaporator coil improves the air flow and air circulation inside the home.
• Air conditioning maintenance also includes cleaning of air ducts or ducts. In the air conditioning system, air ducts are spread through out the entire house keeping the area cool and pleasant. Hence, the ductwork ought to be cleaned regularly to remove the dust collected on air ducts.
• All air conditioning system use refrigerant to absorb the excess heat and supply cool air inside the house. Sometimes there might be a refrigerant leak. So, a reliable air conditioning company or contractor should be called to check and repair that part.
• Sometimes there might be problem with the heating and split air conditioning of your air conditioner. You need to clean your air filters. If, still the problem continues, then it`s time to call an expert.
• In some of the cases ice blocks the tube and no cold air comes from the air conditioning filter instead of the filters recently cleaned. It indicates that the air conditioning refrigerant is low and needs to be adjusted or replaced.

Although the running cost of both window and split AC is almost the same, the power consumption of a split AC could be little higher because of the additional motor it requires. Moreover, the capital expenditure of it is a bit higher than the window AC as well. A split air conditioner scores higher than a window air conditioner because of its `silence` feature. The compressor of a split air conditioner is kept away from the indoor unit and thus, ensures complete silence inside your room.

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No.10 – Big Mac

McDonald’s? You are on a first date at McDonald’s? This isn’t a serious date is it? You are married or are already in a relationship and this is just a place where no one would ever think to find you. If this is a first date, don’t expect a second. In fact, don’t except her to be at the table when you return from taking a dunk in the ball pit.

What she will think of you: She’ll think what the rest of us do: You’re a jackass. Now finish your fries and go home to your wife.

No.9 – Milk

It shouldn’t have to be, said but we will humor you this once: Never, ever order anything from the kid’s menu. There is no reason to order milk — even if you are having a slice of chocolate cake for dessert the size of a Prius. Order an after-dinner drink or just a cup of coffee. Grown men don’t drink milk in public (especially those that may be lactose intolerant). Isn’t that right, Toots?

What she will think of you: She is getting involved with a man-child. A guy who drinks milk with a meal needs a nightlight to sleep and calls mom when he needs his shirt ironed.

No.8 – Vanilla Ice Cream

It’s time for dessert. The waiter brings over a tray of treats that would make Augustus Gloop drop a batch in his lederhosen. Your date orders a slice of decadence and you say to the waiter: “I’ll just have a scoop of vanilla ice cream.” Good plan. You’ve got that dominoes tournament with the rest of the boys at the retirement home in the morning and you don’t want to be up all night with a sugar rush. You then continue your story about not being able to find a good pair of socks. Wake your date up, she will want to hear this story.

What she will think of you: You. Are. Boring. You don’t take risks and you don’t enjoy the finer things in life. She sees a relationship — and possibly sex life — that will be just as boring as the scoop of vanilla melting in the little cup.

No.7 – Fish Sticks

If you are going to enjoy fish, you should always ask the waiter for the fresh catch of the day or order the fish special. There is nothing special about fish sticks. They are also not technically a catch; they are the combination of many catches, fish and a couple of additives that keep them edible for a few centuries. Oh, that’s so adorable the way you cut them up and dunk them into the tartar sauce. Is that what the other kids in daycare do or did you make that up?

What she will think of you: You don’t like to try new foods. Fish sticks are the weapon of a mother with a finicky child. You are a pain in the *** when it comes to eating — or doing anything in life that strays from the normal routine. She will assume that life with you will be like Groundhog Day: living the same day over and over again with no escape on the horizon.

No.6 – Lobster

I understand your thought process in ordering: ”If I order the lobster it will look like money is no object. I’ll come off looking like a complete high roller.” Good call. Bibs are essential to the high-roller wardrobe. Lobster is a bad idea: You run the risk of looking like a pansy if you can’t crack that ****er open. It’s also one of the messiest foods on the menu and leaves you reeking of fish meat and hot butter.

What she will think of you: How could you be a good provider if you can’t bust open a lobster shell? Also, if you can’t always afford the lobster, don’t bother getting it just this once. If she thinks money is no object to you then she won’t understand why you flipped out just because she ordered another glass of wine, new kitchen or house on the opposite coast. It’s your own fault, Uncle Moneybags.

What she will think of you: You won’t pay any attention to her when something else is in front of you. It won’t just be something as simple and delicious as a taco: When the game is on TV or you are one level away from beating a video game (no cheat codes!) she knows she will be as invisible as those refried beans on your plate you haven’t touched. (Smart move, those things will make you gassy.)

No.4 – Corn

Corn is natures’ most annoying food. It’s impossible to digest and finds a way to get lodged in every possible crevice imaginable: in your teeth, in the back of your throat and sometimes up your nose if you try to talk and eat at the same time. That one kernel will be stuck in your tooth the entire meal and you won’t rest until it’s dislodged with your finger, a match box or the end of a butter knife. Also, avoid popcorn should this date include a movie. No one wants to hear you cough up lodged kernels all through an important chick flick. Shh! This is where they first figure out they are in love.

What she will think of you: You are probably disgusting behind closed doors. You have a ton of nasty habits just waiting to come out once the relationship progresses: teeth picking, nostril cleanings and toenail clipping all while watching television.

No.3 – Buffalo Wings

Buffalo wings are a party and tailgating food that somehow snuck onto every restaurant menu disguised as an appetizer. They are impossible to eat without getting sauce all over your face, and the only way to keep the mess under control is to S’uck your fingers. The only licking of fingers on the first date should be done at your apartment. They also come in levels of spice that shouldn’t be experimented with on a first date. The last thing you need is to break into a sweat just from a few atomic wings.

What she will think of you: She will think you don’t know the difference between party food and real dinner food. She will see a lifetime of subs, pizza and nachos on all your special occasions. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than imagining her 10-year wedding anniversary with pictures of her husband pounding beers because he tried the double atomic wings.

No.2 – Salad

Salad as a first or second course is acceptable, but salad as the main course says more about you as a man than the fact that your belt doesn’t match your shoes. It says you’re either worried about your weight (and the last thing she needs is another person in her life with a weight issue) or it could mean that you really are a complete hog but you’re trying to look civilized. Salad prevents you from pigging out on a large dinner, chomping on a T-bone or licking a plate during the main course. It’s also ridiculously boring. Part of the fun of eating out is sampling each others’ meal. You can’t really say: “Wow, try this lettuce. It’s amazing.”

What she will think of you: A man getting a salad means he is either incredibly vain, incredibly cheap or dirt poor. None of those are attractive qualities in a partner. She wants a man that eats more than her — or at least more than the animals in her backyard.

No.1 – Soup

First rule of thumb: You never want to eat more or less courses than your date. For example, if she gets an appetizer, then you should also get an appetizer (sharing is also acceptable). Same goes for soup or salad. There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching someone eat while trying to have a conversation. If you are ordering a first course, avoid every type of soup. Soup is never a good idea on a first date. It’s messy, it’s hot and it’s incredibly hard to eat while maintaining any semblance of coolness. Ever tried to look smooth while shoving ice cubes in your mouth because the top of your mouth is singed? The combo of slumping over and slurping is not a good look. Don’t you dare pick up and sip from that bowl.

What she will think of you: She will think you don’t care about how you look in front of others. If you are willing to sip, slurp, singe, and spill on a first date, imagine how you’ll act the first time you meet her friends or parents.

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Cupid has a choke hold on you. There is a special female in your life that you want to smooch very badly, but you don’t know if she wants to smooch as well. Sometimes it is hard to read a woman and know when she wants to smooch. Just follow these simple steps, and you may be on your way to smooching paradise!

Step 1

Look into her eyes. If she is holding a long gaze with you, this is a big indication that she wants a sloppy smooch.

Step 2

Pay attention to her body language. If she is leaning into you or if her legs are pointed in your direction, that means she is most likely into you and is looking to lock lips.

Step 3

Notice if she is smiling at you or laughing at all of your jokes. If so, she will most likely be game for a smooching session.

Step 4

Touch her hand, and see how she responds. Tell her you had a great time on the date. If she responds in the same way and squeezes your hand back, you might be in luck tonight.

Step 5

Drop off your date at the end of the night, and see if there is a delay or a sense that she’s not quite ready to say good-bye. This is a big indication that she wants to smooch. It’s time to go for the gold!

Tips & Warnings

• Pop a breath mint beforehand so that your breath is fresh, in case you have any mouth-to-mouth” encounters.

• Applying a coat of lip balm will make your lips kissably soft for smooching.

• If your girl is giving you signals that she does not want to smooch—for example, if you move into her personal space and she starts to back away from you—do not pursue her. You will not get a smooch in this sort of situation.

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Ratatouille (dir. Brad Bird and Jan Pinkava, 2007)

A love song to Paris – its food, its characters, its romance – this giddy tale of a rodent who dreams of being a chef contains more magic moments per frame than any of Pixar film.

The Incredibles (dir. Brad Bird, 2004)

John Lasseter may be more famous and his films may have raked in more merchandising dollars, but Bird seems to be the real genius at Pixar, here delivering a satiric thriller so exciting it blows the Mission: Impossible series out of the water.

Up (dir. Pete Docter and Bob Peterson, 2009)

Pixar’s films get more challenging, emotionally as much as technically, as the years go by: Albert Laromisse (The Red Balloon) and Hiyao Miyazaki (Lapouta: Castle In The Sky) wouldn’t be ashamed of this profound story of a widower’s grief transformed.

Finding Nemo (dir. Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich, 2003)

Pixar films have always been attuned to the drama and pathos to be derived from stories of eco-disaster; this tale of an Australian clown fish who sets out from the Great Barrier Reef on a hazardous journey to rescue his son trumps even WALL-E.

Monsters, Inc (di. Pete Docter, Lee Unkrich and David Silverman, 2001)

Toy Story and A Bug’s Life had already redefined modern animation and proved box-office winners, but this extravagantly inventive feature – huge giants working for a utility company generate power from the screams of children – proved beyond all doubt that the studio was capable of storytelling of the highest order.

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Most Hairy Man In The World

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Girlfriends are a lot like volcanoes: they’re fascinating and mysterious, and at any time they can explode and completely blow your head off. I might be confusing volcanoes with those collars from the movie Scanners. Anyway, here’s a flowchart to help you determine if your girlfriend is cheating on you:

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Which is better? The movie or the book…..?

Since nobody has the time or inclination to read books anymore, movies provide us with the visual cliff notes we need to experience some of the greatest novels ever written. Now let’s just hope they never take L. Ron Hubbard’s science fiction novel Battlefield Earth and turn it into… oh right, it’s too late.

• 10 Jurassic Park - The master of adapting books into movies, Speilberg turned Michael Crichton’s New York Times #1 best seller into one of the highest grossing films of all time. The film for some strange reason also meant the extinction of Laura Dern’s acting career.

• 9 Forrest Gump – While the film differs substantially from Winston Groom’s novel, Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks proved that if you “don’t go full retard” you can created one of the most successful book adaptations in movie history.

• 8 Breakfast At Tiffany’s – Truman Capote’s novel turned out to be the “Perfect 10″ of Blake Edwards directing career and made Audrey Hepburn one of the most iconic actresses in Hollywood history. And I think Truman Capote and the rest of the civilized world can all pretend that Jennifer Love Hewitt’s CBS movie of the week remake never happened
• 7 One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest - Milos Forman and Jack Nicholson turned Ken Kesey’s book into the first film in movie history to win all five major academy awards(Best Picture, Actor In A Lead Role, Actress In A Lead Role, Director and Screenplay) and made everyone realize that a getting a labatomy is an extremely unpleasant experience.

• 6 Schindler’s List (Based On The Novel Schindler’s Ark) - Spielberg adapted Thomas Keneally’s book about Oskar Schindler, a German businessman who saved the lives of more than a thousand Polish Jewish refugees during the Holocaust into a masterpiece and the one movie you don’t want to get caught making out during.

• 5 Apocalypse Now (Based On The Novle Heart Of Darkness) - Francis Ford Coppola took Joseph Conrad’s book Heart Of Darkness and turned it into what is widely-considered the greatest war movie of all time even though Dennis Hopper doesn’t remember filming it.

• 4 Goodfellas – Martin Scorsese took crime reporter Nicolas Pileggi’s book Wisguy based on the real life story of mobster turned informant Henry Hill and created his gangster movie opus. It also made every man in America want to be a gangter from now to enternity.

• 3 Jaws - Steven Speilberg took Peter Benchley’s novel and turned it into the “father of summer blockbuster movies” in 1975

• 2 The Godfather - Francis Ford Copolla adapted Mario Puzo’s novel into one of the greatest movies in the history of cinema giving the men of the world enough quotables to last a lifetime.

• 1 Gone With The Wind - Scarlet O’Hara may not have give a damn, but Margaret Mitchell’s book win the Pulitzer in 1937 and Gone With The Wind also took home the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1939.

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